calling in the troops

I saw that a friend wrote recently that Foster Care is equal parts good and bad. It’s joy and sorrow. It’s beauty and brokenness. So much truth in that.

With Baby I being placed in our home.. I am reminded of the blessing it is to be a foster mom. God uses our family to provide safety, security and gives us an opportunity to love and care for a child in a way they likely would not have had available to them otherwise. But, along with that comes the reality of their story. Their past. Sometimes those stories are full of hurt and brokenness.

While the opportunity to love these kids is good, no doubt the circumstances that brought them to us are usually not. And that’s a lot to take in at times.

We choose to love a child, as our own, whether it’s for days, or years, or a lifetime. The unknown is so hard…but in the same, a blessing, because it keeps us focused on God. He has already used our new placement the last two months to teach me so much (I hope to blog about some of those lessons soon).

And, yes “our hands are full” (as I have had a bajillion people tell us, and then look at us like we are crazy). We are super busy. I hit the pillow exhausted every night. But, you know what? So do most people. Most of us are really, really busy. In a lot of ways, I was just as busy before we started fostering… but probably with some things that weren’t as important.

I read this on a foster parenting friend’s blog recently… when he was talking about the need for more foster parents…

“Your life is probably crazy busy. But you are far more brave than you realize to say yes, despite all the reasons you have to say no, and you are capable of handling far more than you could ever possibly imagine – even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. The good news is that Jesus does not call you to control everything in the foster care or adoption process, nor does He expect you to. He actually wants you to be okay with the fact that you can’t. Your success in this is not measured by your capacity to keep everything in order; it’s determined by your ability to trust that even in the chaos Jesus is beautiful – and even in the mess, so is what you are doing by loving these kids the way that you are. He doesn’t expect you to understand it all now; He’s simply asking you to trust Him with the next step, and then the next, then the next…

Now, the challenge. Kids in crisis can’t afford to wait until it’s most convenient for you to care for them. They don’t have that luxury. They need you to stop rationalizing what you know God is calling you to do – and just do it. Your “no” is a lot more difficult on them than your “yes” will ever be on you. Perhaps these kids needs your family as much as your family needs these kids. One is given comfort and security for likely the first time in their life while the other is freed from comfort and security, and as a result, actually finds life. Jesus Himself said, “Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:25) In perhaps one of the most counterintuitive and countercultural statements He ever made, we find what life is all about – losing ourselves for the sake of someone else’s gain. Hard? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. What you stand to lose pales in comparison to what everyone, including yourself, stands to gain. There’s never really a perfect time to foster or adopt; just a lot of opportunities to say yes to losing yourself despite the many reasons you have to say no. 

You can:

–  Treat foster parents with a new placement the way you would a family that had a baby – it is JUST as exhausting and stressful. And really an adjustment for everyone in that family (children and parents).

           – offer to bring them dinner  

           – help out with the children

           – lend a hand in running errands

(In the same…this applies to a family that has just lost a placement as well. This can be a time of adjusting too. Bringing them dinner, or helping out during that time could be important)

–  Be a Foster Grandparent. Spoil the kids as if they were your own grandchildren and build a relationship with them.

–  If God has given you the financial means, support! Buy a foster family a new vehicle they can actually fit everyone in. Donate to pay for a kid’s gymnastic classes for a year. Even though we do receive a stipend for children from the government, it barely covers food and resources. Having help financially is huge and opens the doors to more possibilities.

–  Offer up your children’s outgrown stuff to pass on 

          – baby items

          – clothes

          – toys 

–  Offer to babysit.  Foster parents have lives. And they need date nights. Or take some of the kids and give them a chance to spend more one on one time with their children (especially families with multiple children).

– Be an extra pair of hands when foster families go somewhere challenging – offer to come along to the zoo, to the playground, etc. 

– Be mindful of what you say. Please don’t ask every time you see a foster parent the details of their child’s case. Or when they are adopting that child.  Most of the time not much has changed and we don’t know. And maybe the better goal is to reunify that child. Also, isntead of hearing, “Oh, you are such a saint…” I prefer…”How are you doing? How can I support you?”  I don’t know about other foster parents, but when I hear the words..  “You are a saint”.. it puts this unsaid pressure on me. I feel like I can’t ask for help.. or be sad.. or say it’s hard. 

And last… please PRAY for the children and the families involved.

As always, if you are interested in helping or getting involved… send me a note at jenny@capturedbyjen.com

And.. for fun.. some fall photos from the past couple weeks… 😉