from the mouths of babes

My mind has been on a roll today, last night… um,  all week.

First of all, it’s my time of the month… TMI, sorry. So, I am weirdly emotional and I have been eating like garbage (which makes me feel like garbage). I am exhausted on many levels. I haven’t been on the best terms with my husband the last few days (Not that we are fighting, fighting.. but you know those stretches where you don’t feel as tight? Like one of those times). Our schedules have been insanely busy (tis the time of year). Right when I feel I have caught up with my business.. I add 5 more things on to my edit/to do list. I am turning 30 in like a month (kinda freaking out). My foster son’s case has been all over the place.. and though it has made a crazy turn and the future looks so exciting right now.. I still have that doubt in the back of mind that the plan will change again. My laundry baskets are never empty. My floors are dirty again. Oh shoot, I forgot I am making a day trip to NYC this Friday for a session.. I need to figure out childcare. Is it Mother’s Day this weekend? I want a piece of chocolate….. You get my point? I could really keep this list going on and on… and it is does go and go and go in my head.

Ok.. breathe Jenny. BREATHE.

I was feeling a bit unglued earlier today. My hubby and I got in a little tiff. I went to the room by myself and immediately started praying asking God for help. But, honestly, it was one of those selfish- I am such a victim type- prayers like, “Why can’t you just help him see that he is being mean God? Can’t you convict him of his crappy attitude? Doesn’t he get that he hurts my feelings? Etc, etc”

My 4 year old Kira walked in on my crying… came and hugged me and said, “Mommy, you and Daddy are on a team. You will be ok.”

Welp. Didn’t take long for me to feel convicted. Kira was right. We are a team. We should be fighting for our marriage… not fighting each other.

What exactly was I doing to help the situation with my husband? To fight FOR the marriage? Did I put myself in his shoes? My attitude/words were disrespectful too. How does it make him feel? Should I apologize?

Not only that, why am I running to pray now? Just because I am emotional and crying? I should have been covering my husband and our marriage in prayer way more than just that moment. The more I thought about it, the more I realized… I hadn’t been spending time with the Lord this last week. I mean, it’s the same excuses.. I am busy.. I have three small kids. My time with Him ends up being rushed. But, in that moment.. that ugly unglued moment… I realized that it won’t cut it. I HAVE TO MAKE TIME. I am a selfish, insecure, and an emotional wreck without my Heavenly Father.

About an hour later, Ellie and I left for our date. I took her to Zumba tonight as a treat for behaving so well at school lately. While we were in the car, we prayed for our night. Her prayer.. “Lord, please help my mommy to see that she is loved by you. Help her to get rid of her fears and trust in you. Also, help her to know she is pretty.. even without makeup. Amen”

Wow. I opened my tear filled eyes and praised God for my little blessings.

Thank you Lord for speaking much needed truth to me today through the mouths of my children.